Defnetly

Breathe. Count to 10. Take a walk. These strategies have long been advised to help you pause and rethink your reaction when you’re seeing red and an inch away from exploding. Under normal circumstances — maybe a little stress at home or at work — those strategies can be useful. But you may find they’re less effective in the pressure cooker we’ve been living in since the pandemic began. What can you do to avoid reaching your boiling point?

For insight, I turned to psychologist Stuart Ablon, founder and director of Think:Kids in the department of psychiatry at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital. Ablon is an expert at defusing explosive behavior among kids and teens with severe developmental delays in problem solving, flexibility, and tolerance to frustration — the skills that keep us from melting down.

Pandemic stress blocks our coping abilities

Ablon says many adults are struggling with a lack of these skills right now — not because we haven’t developed them, but because pandemic stress is blocking them. “When we humans are chronically stressed, we lose access to the part of our brain that performs skills like flexibility and tolerance,” Ablon says.

Blocked skills can reduce our coping abilities to those of little children, like toddlers who scream when they don’t get their way.

Practice empathy

Ablon says it’s crucial to stay calm or “regulated” when you’re feeling mad or upset, so you can access the skills needed to maintain control. And the best way to remain calm, Ablon says, is by practicing empathy — trying to sense another person’s perspective or point of view.

“Empathy is the most powerful human regulator we have. It’s been proven to de-escalate people in the most challenging of prison settings, and it can also work on an airplane or in line at Starbucks,” Ablon says. “Think about it: when someone listens to you and tries to understand your point of view, it calms you. You can feel your heart rate drop.”

How does empathy help you?

Calming others is great, but how does being empathetic keep you from exploding? It has a domino effect.

• Trying to understand someone else's point of view may change your mind about how you want to react. It will also give you something important to do, which will keep you focused so you can remain calm.
• Being calm enables you to access coping skills like problem solving, flexibility, and tolerance to frustration.
• Accessing your coping skills strengthens your ability to keep your cool.
• Because you’re calm, you’ll keep someone else from exploding, which in turn helps you continue to stay calm.

Four steps to help you stop seeing red

To practice empathy, Ablon recommends the following steps.

• Adopt a mindset that people are doing the best they can. “We’re all trying our best to handle what the world is throwing at us, with the skills we’re able to access at that moment. None of us wants to be losing it,” Ablon says. “Think to yourself, ‘This person I’m interacting with isn’t giving me what I want, but this person is doing the best they can right now.’ If you can exude that, you will help regulate them. It’s incredibly contagious — the same way a parent who stays calm can soothe a crying baby, or a kindergarten teacher with supreme calmness can regulate a whole class.”
• Be curious, not furious. Ablon recommends asking questions without jumping to conclusions, so you can find out where people are coming from. What are their circumstances? What’s driven them to this moment? What do they need?
• Practice active listening. “One of the most powerful things you can do to regulate someone is to repeat back to them what you’re hearing from them in your own words. It makes them feel heard,” Ablon says. “So ask questions, and when you get information, reflect back what you’ve heard. It’s called active listening.”
• Offer reassurance. Remind the person you’re talking to that you’re trying to help. “Say, ‘I’m just trying to understand. I know you must have an important reason and I want to hear more. I’m not trying to get you upset. I want to work things out.’ That’s very calming and regulating,” Ablon says.

It may not be easy to remain empathetic in these challenging times. But the more you practice this skill, the more empathetic you’ll become. That can deliver significant results. “If you can stay calm and approach someone kindly and with understanding,” Ablon says, “it will head things off at the pass for both of you.”

Some things are not debatable. Rain falls from the sky. Elevators go up and down. Orange traffic cones are orange. But because we interpret the world through our experiences, a lot isn’t so definitive.

The boss might say, “Good job,” and we wonder why they didn’t say, “Great job.” We see someone looking in our direction and they seem angry, so we believe that they’re mad at us, and no other explanation makes sense.

What’s happening is that we’re distorting our experience, jumping to conclusions, mind reading, and going to the worst-case scenario. When we do this, we shrink our successes and maximize our “failures,” and because it can be an automatic process, it’s hard to tell when it’s happening. “You don’t know you’re wearing magnifying glasses,” says Dr. Luana Marques, associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School.

So what can you do to see things more clearly and with a more balanced perspective? It takes practice and a willingness to tolerate discomfort, but as with addressing any problem, it starts with awareness.

What’s happening when we magnify failures and jump to negative conclusions?

We like to process information quickly, and we use filters to help do that. If we believe, “I’m no good,” all words and behaviors that support that contention just make everything easier.

“The brain doesn’t want to spend energy trying to fight that,” Marques says. And the brain responds depending on the distortion. If something causes anxiety, say from a curious look or comment, the limbic system is activated and we’re in fight-or-flight mode, hyper-focused on the threat, not thinking creatively or considering alternative, less threatening options.

But sometimes, there’s no threat in play. We’re just thinking, probably overthinking, when we question our abilities and minimize our accomplishments.

So what can you do about it?

Label the type of thinking distortion

It helps to define our distortions, the common ones being:

• Catastrophizing: Taking a small incident and going to the worst-case scenario.
• Black-and-white thinking: Seeing only all-or-nothing possibilities.
• Jumping to conclusions: Assuming what will happen rather than waiting to see what will actually happen.
• Mind reading: Assuming what someone is thinking without much evidence.

When you label it, you can better understand and recognize what your go-to distortion is, because “we tend to do one more than another,” Marques says.

After that, it helps to take your emotional temperature by asking: Am I stressed? Am I sweating? Is my heart pounding or my breathing shallow? It brings you more into the moment and it allows you to think about what you were doing that brought on the response, such as, “I was trying to guess the outcome.” It’s another way to pinpoint the distortion you tend to favor, she says.

Challenge the distortion

Whichever distortion it is, you want to examine your assumption by looking for other evidence. If you question your boss’s reaction to you, ask yourself: What does my boss really say? What does this person say about other people? Have I received raises and promotions? Am I given good projects?

An easy trap with distortions is that they’re plausible. A person who is mad at me would give me a look. A person who hated me wouldn’t text me back. Maybe so, but think of five other possible explanations, Marques says. This exercise engages the prefrontal cortex, which takes you out of the fight-or-flight mode and expands your thinking. You’re then problem-solving and not solely keyed on one option.

You also want to ask an essential question: is this thinking helpful? You might realize that all your thinking/wondering/worrying does is make you anxious. Gaining that presence might be enough to get you off the path of distorted thinking. “Asking and answering the question about your thinking pauses the brain, and you potentially see the world differently,” she says.

Being balanced and kind to ourselves

As you examine and attempt to control your distortions, be mindful of how you treat yourself. Self-criticism is a really easy trap to fall into, but try talking to yourself as you would a friend. Better yet, imagine you’re speaking to a child. Your language would be considerate, supportive, and you wouldn’t use words such as “stupid” or “dumb.” This approach also shifts you into the detached, third person. “You get out of your head,” Marques says. “We’re cleaning our magnifying glasses a little bit.”

Lastly, realize that you’re not looking to switch your attitude from “I’m unworthy” to “I’m super-great.” That’s just trading one extreme for another. All you want is to counterbalance your distortion, then let it go. Countering thinking distortions is a lot like meditation, where you practice acknowledging your thoughts without getting hooked onto them.  “You don’t have to magnify or minimize.” Marques says.

During the first year of life, naps are crucial for babies (who simply cannot stay awake for more than a couple of hours at a time), and crucial for parents and caregivers, who need breaks from the hard work of caring for an infant.

But as children become toddlers and preschoolers, naps aren’t always straightforward. Children often fight them (following the “you snooze you lose” philosophy), and they can conflict with daily tasks (such as school pick-up when there are older siblings) or lead to late bedtimes.

Here are some tips for making naps work for you and your child — and for knowing when they aren’t needed anymore.

Making naps work for your baby

Most infants will take at least two naps during the day, and early in toddlerhood most children will still take both a morning nap and an afternoon nap. Naps are important not just for physical rest and better moods, but also for learning: sleep allows us to consolidate new information. As children get older, they usually drop one of the naps, most commonly the morning nap.

Every child is different when it comes to napping. Some need long naps, some do fine with catnaps, some will give up naps earlier than others. Even within the same family, children can be different. A big part of making naps work is listening to and learning about your child’s temperament and needs. Otherwise, you can end up fighting losing battles.

The needs of a parent or caregiver are also important: everyone needs a break. Sometimes those breaks are particularly useful at specific times of the day (like meal prep time). While you can’t always make a child be sleepy at the most convenient time for you, it’s worth a try — which leads me to the first tip:

Schedule the naps. Instead of waiting for a child to literally drop and fall asleep, have a regular naptime. We all do better when our sleep routines are regular, even adults. If you can, put the child down awake (or partially awake). Learning to fall asleep without a bottle or a breast, or without being held, is a helpful skill for children to learn and can lead to better sleep habits as they grow.

A couple of scheduling notes:

• If you need a child to fall asleep earlier or later than they seem to do naturally, try to adjust the previous sleep time. For example, if you need an earlier morning nap, wake the child up earlier in the morning. It may not work, but it’s worth a try.
• Naps later in the afternoon often mean that a child won’t be sleepy until later in the evening. That may not be a problem, but for parents who get tired early or need to get up early, it can be. Try to move the nap earlier, or wake the child earlier. If the problematic afternoon nap is in daycare, talk to the daycare provider about moving or shortening it.

Create a space that’s conducive to sleep. Some children can sleep anywhere and through anything, but most do best with a space that is quiet and dark. A white noise machine (or even just a fan) can also be helpful.

Don’t use screens before naptime or bedtime. The blue light emitted by computers, tablets, and phones can wake up the brain and make it harder for children to fall asleep.

When is it time to give up naps?

Most children give up naps between the ages of 3 and 5. If a child can stay up and be pleasant and engaged throughout the afternoon, they are likely ready to stop. Some crankiness in the late afternoon and early evening is okay; you can always just get them to bed earlier.

One way to figure it out, and ease the transition, is to keep having “quiet time” in the afternoon. Have the child go to bed, but don’t insist on sleep; let them look at books or play quietly. If they stay awake, that’s a sign that they are ready to stop. If they fall asleep but then end up staying up very late, that’s another sign that the afternoon nap needs to go.

Whether or not your child naps, having some quiet time without screens every afternoon is a good habit to get into. It gives your child and everyone else a chance to relax and unwind, and sets a placeholder not just for homework but also for general downtime as children grow — and just like naps for babies, downtime for big kids is crucial.

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As a doctor, I am constantly advising my patients to prioritize their own mental and physical health. Get adequate sleep. Eat healthy. Learn how to say no so you don’t collapse from exhaustion. Love and care for yourself like you do others.

I talk the talk but don’t always walk the walk — even though I know, both intellectually and physically, that self-care is critical to my well-being. When I am run down, my MS symptoms cry out for attention: left leg weakness and numbness, subtle vertigo, a distinct buzzing in my brain like a relentless mosquito that won’t go away no matter how many times I twitch and shake my head. I have become frighteningly good at ignoring these symptoms, boxing them up and pushing them away. Often, I can muscle through; other times it just hurts.

Recently, a friend challenged me to think about my relationship with my illness, to describe MS as a character in my story. This was a useful exercise. I conjured up an image of a stern teacher. She is frighteningly blunt and lets me know, loud and clear, when I disappoint her. She can be mean and scary, and I don’t really like her. But I must admit she is usually right. Still, I often defiantly dismiss her, even when part of me knows this is not in my best interest.

This holiday season, I wanted to do better. I needed to do better. So, as Thanksgiving approached, as I prepared to host 16 family members, many for multiple days, I paused to ask myself, What does MS have to teach me about self-care? I don’t like having this disease, but I do. I can’t change my reality, so I might as well benefit from the lessons MS is forcing on me. I believe they are relevant to all of us, whether we live with chronic illness or not, so I’ll share them here.

The first steps: Listen and observe

When my MS symptoms flare, it’s a message that I am tired, overextended, and stressed. I need to rest. I don’t always listen right away, but eventually I am forced to, and when I listen, I feel better. All of us can benefit from slowing down and tuning in to our physical selves. What sensations are you experiencing in your body, and what does this tell you about your underlying feelings and state of mind? Yes, we should heed our thoughts, but tuning in to our bodies takes us deeper, to feelings that might be hidden, secrets we might not want to acknowledge, a physical truth. If you don’t have a chronic illness, the messages might be more subtle — a vague tightness in your chest, a quick catch in your breath, a barely noticeable tremor in your hands — but they exist, and they signal stress.

The science is clear: the body’s stress response — though potentially lifesaving in a true emergency, when “fight or flight” is essential to survival — can be toxic in our everyday lives. Stress triggers our sympathetic nervous system to kick into overdrive in response to a perceived threat, releasing hormones such as cortisol and inflammatory molecules that, when produced in excess, fuel disease. Conversely, we know that pausing to take notice and interrupting this negative cycle of stress is beneficial. It can be as simple as breathing deeply and counting to 10. Our bodies know what’s up and let us know when we need to take care of ourselves. We must pay attention.

You are not responsible for everyone and everything

The holidays, essentially from mid-November through the end of the year, are a stress test we create for ourselves. The land mines are everywhere: more food, more drinking, more family dynamics, more unfamiliar (or overly familiar) surroundings. Personally, with my overinflated sense of responsibility, I experience a kind of dizzying performance anxiety every holiday season. I believe it is my job to make sure everyone present has a positive experience. For better or worse, I am someone who notices and feels the personal and interpersonal dynamics in a room. I sense and absorb even the most subtle discomfort, frustration, anger, shame, and insecurity, alongside the more upbeat emotions. Importantly, I also I feel the need to step in and make things better, to prop everyone up. It’s exhausting. But MS reminds me of how absurd, and even egotistical, this is. In truth, I can’t possibly care for everyone. Neither can you.

It helps to check our automatic thoughts. More than once on Thanksgiving Day, as the busy kitchen buzzed with activity and conversation, I intentionally stepped back and watched, reminding myself that I didn’t have to hold the whole thing up. Even though I inevitably slipped back into hyper-responsibility mode, these moments of self-awareness impacted my behavior and the dynamic in the room.

It’s okay to say what you need

To take full responsibility for my own well-being, I need to speak honestly and act with integrity. This means asking for what I need, clearly and without apology. Historically, I have been terrible at this in my personal life, burying my own needs in the name of taking care of everyone else’s, even rejecting clear offers of help. “I’m good, I’ve got it,” I might say, while simultaneously feeling bitter and resentful for having to do it all myself. This lack of clarity isn’t fair to anyone. MS reminds me that I need to do better.

This year, when my guests asked me what they could bring, I took them at their word and made specific requests instead of assuring everyone that I had it covered. When my mother started banging around in the kitchen at 7 a.m. with her endearing but chaotic energy, asking for this and that pot and kitchen utensil so she could start cooking, I told her I needed to sit down and have a cup of coffee first. She would need to wait or find things herself. She was okay with that. Family dynamics can be entrenched and hard to change, but clear communication can set new ways of being into motion, one baby step at a time.

I still have a lot to learn, but I am making stuttering progress, learning to listen to my body and honor my needs while also caring for those I love, or at least trying. Undeniably, I experienced some post-Thanksgiving fatigue, exacerbated by my daughter’s early-morning hockey game the next day, requiring a 4:30 a.m. departure. I felt it in my body — the familiar leg weakness, vertigo, and brain cobwebs — and, completely uncharacteristically, I took a nap.

Migraine is a common and disabling headache disorder. Painful migraine headaches frequently affect people between the ages of 18 and 44. Many common medication treatments for migraine may cause side effects that are difficult to tolerate, and can lead people to not take their medications as recommended, or to stop taking them altogether. A recent study suggests that up to 20% of patients with migraine have used opioids to treat their pain in the past year. Therefore, there is a great need for better and more tolerable treatments for people who have migraines.

Research has shown that combining behavioral treatments with preventive medication treatments works better for preventing headaches than medications alone. Mindfulness practice has also been associated with improvements in individuals with chronic pain, including migraine. Mindfulness is the mind-body treatment that involves purposely focusing one’s attention on the present momentary awareness and accepting it without judgment.

Stress is a well-known trigger for migraine. Moreover, stressful events have been associated with people experiencing more frequent or chronic migraines versus having them occasionally. Mindfulness can result in stress reduction, reduced emotional response to stress, and improved general happiness. In patients with migraine, pain severity and unpleasant symptoms can be reduced with this treatment.

Mindfulness can potentially strengthen emotional and cognitive control of pain by helping to train someone with migraine to reassess their pain in a nonjudgmental way and modify their evaluation of the pain. In addition, mindfulness practices can help to control depression, anxiety, and pain catastrophizing (an exaggerated negative feeling toward pain experiences), which can play a role in chronic migraine.

The study

In a recent study published in JAMA, a group of researchers investigated whether mindfulness-based stress reduction may provide benefit for people experiencing migraine. The study randomly assigned half of participants with migraine to the mindfulness treatment and the other half to only headache education.

The mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment incorporated eight weeks of two-hour, in-person classes, which included sitting and walking meditation, body scanning (sequential attention to parts of the body), and mindful movement (bodily awareness during gentle stretching using hatha yoga), bringing attention back to the natural rhythm of the breath. In addition, the study participants were encouraged to build their capacity to address physical and mental perceptions of their pain, and they were provided audio files for at-home practice.

The headache education treatment included a standardized protocol of eight weeks of two-hour, in-person classes that contained education about the biological, psychological, and environmental processes associated with migraines, headache triggers, and stress. The patients were also given time for questions, answers, and discussion during each class.

The results

The researchers demonstrated that mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment significantly improved people’s disability, quality of life, self-efficacy, pain catastrophizing, and depression compared to patients who only had headache education. Reductions in monthly migraine days were observed in those with mindfulness-based stress reduction treatment, but were not significantly different from those receiving headache education. The authors of the study explain that the reason they could not demonstrate improvement in the headache frequency could be the use of an active control group such as headache education, which itself may result in improvement of headache frequency.

Most importantly, the study demonstrated that mindfulness-based treatments can reduce the burden of migraine. With mindfulness, the participants of the study may have learned a new way of processing pain that may have a significant effect on their long-term health. The results of this study have major implications for both patients and clinicians, and the research can support a holistic, integrative treatment plan for patients with migraine, with less emphasis on nonmedical treatments.

What you can do

Many healthcare providers, including headache specialists, pain specialists, neurologists, and primary care physicians, have started to incorporate mindfulness-based treatment in their practices, or they have sought mindfulness-based programs or specialists for their patients.

There are also many ways for patients with migraine to practice mindfulness at home. Patients with migraine can integrate some of the following mindfulness-based practices in their daily life, including during a migraine headache:

• Accept yourself, your present moment.
• Lie on your back or in a comfortable position with no distractions, and direct your awareness to your body and breathing. Scan your body and observe your feet, legs, hands, arms, and other parts of your body.
• Try to sit down in a comfortable and quiet place, close your eyes, take a deep breath. Try to do breathing exercises, paying attention to the sensations of your breath while inhaling and exhaling.
• Sitting or walking meditation done outside in nature may be very relaxing. Focus on the experience of walking, being aware of the sensations of standing and the subtle movements that keep your balance.

Resources

There many are apps and quality resources for mindfulness and migraine learning and practice. Here are few online resources to explore:

Body scan mindfulness exercise for pain (Harvard Health Publishing)

Mindfulness Meditation for Migraine (American Migraine Foundation)

Mindfulness series for Migraine & Headache Disorders (Miles for Migraine)

Mindfulness and Migraine (National Headache Foundation)

The COVID-19 pandemic has been hard on so many people in so many ways. For babies born during this pandemic, a study published in JAMA Pediatrics suggests that the damage has potential to be lifelong.

The first three years of life are crucial for brain development. And it’s not just the health of babies that matters, but the interactions between babies and their caregivers. Babies need to be touched, held, spoken to, smiled at, played with. As they receive and respond to those interactions, in a “serve and return” kind of way, neural connections are built in the brain. When babies don’t have those interactions, or enough of them, their brains don’t develop as they should — and can even be literally smaller.

When you are a stressed or depressed parent or caregiver, it can be hard to find the time, let alone the energy or interest, to talk to and play with your infant. There are multiple studies showing that maternal depression, poverty, and other family stressors can change the development of a child forever.

How was the study done?

In this study, part of an ongoing study of mothers and babies, researchers from Columbia University looked at the development of three groups of 6-month-old babies. Two of the groups were born during the COVID-19 pandemic; the mothers of one group had COVID-19, while the mothers of the other did not. The third group was a historical cohort (a group of babies who were born before the pandemic).

Mothers participating in the study used an Ages and Stages Questionnaire (ASQ-3) to record their babies’ development. The researchers noted no difference in the development of the two groups of babies born during the pandemic, suggesting that prenatal exposure to COVID-19 doesn’t affect development, which is great news. But the babies born during the pandemic scored lower in gross motor, fine motor, and social-emotional development than the babies born before the pandemic. Examples of developmental tasks for infants this age are rolling from back to tummy (gross motor), reaching for or grasping a toy with both hands (fine motor), and acting differently to strangers than to parents or familiar people (social-emotional development).

What does it suggest about infant development during the pandemic?

It’s just one study, and we need to do more research to better understand this, but the findings are not really surprising given what we know about infant development. The COVID-19 pandemic has caused a lot of stress — emotional, financial, and otherwise — for so many families. It has also markedly affected the number and kind of interactions we have with other people. Babies are on average interacting with fewer people (and seeing fewer faces because of masking) than they did before the pandemic.

Even though we need to do more research, this study should serve as an alarm bell for us as a society. The children of this pandemic may carry some scars forever if we don’t act now. We’ve been seeing the emotional and educational effects on children; we need to be aware of the developmental effects on babies, too. All of these could permanently change their lives.

What can we do to address these challenges?

We need to find ways to support families with young children, financially and emotionally. We need to be energetic and creative, and work every angle we can. While our government should play a role, communities and individuals can help too.

We need to refer families to and fund early intervention programs around the country that support the development of children from birth to 3 years of age. Because of the pandemic, many of these programs have moved to virtual visits, which can make them less effective. So we need to get creative here, too. We can’t just wait for the pandemic to be over.

And parents and caregivers of infants and toddlers need to know about this research — and ask for help. It’s understandable and natural for parents to think that babies are too small and unaware to be affected by the pandemic. But they are affected, in ways that could be long-lasting. Talk to your doctor about what you can do to help yourself, your family, and your baby’s future.

Follow me on Twitter @drClaire

"No!"

It might have been endearing as your child’s first word, but dread often kicks in when that word starts to follow parental requests. Experiencing resistance to small or big asks? Stuck in arguments that seem to go in circles and leave you exasperated with unmet requests? The good news is that this pattern can be disrupted. First, you’ll need to identify reasons behind the opposition. Then you can apply relevant strategies to see more helpful behaviors instead.

Below are some examples of opposition drivers and tips to address them.

Difficulty with transitions

If you find that your child resists a request right after engaging in an activity, it might be that your child first needs time to transition. This can be a common experience when parents make requests while children are playing video games or another stimulating activity. One way to manage this is to give your child a five- or 10-minute heads-up (whichever they might need) that you will be asking for the game to stop. This gives your child time to find a place to pause if playing a video game and to transition.

Some families find it helpful to talk with their children before playtime begins to learn what game or activities will be taking place, and how much advance notice might be helpful before the activity would need to stop. This invites collaboration and shows that you respect that not all moments are ideal for stopping a game.

Independent streak

Children almost never are in control, and resistance can show up when that wears on them. Try to fold in elements of choice and control throughout the day for children (that are within a framework you determine) to create more of a balance with your requests. Perhaps you let a young child know that they will need to wear long sleeves and pants because of the weather, but they can pick which top and pair of pants to wear that day. Another idea is to invite your child to pick a side dish for a future dinner from a premade list of a few options.

It also helps to create opportunities for your child to practice being independent. This fosters mastery and offers experiences of feeling in control. This could look like your child preparing any parts of meals that are age-appropriate (for example, a three-year-old could pour cereal into a bowl; a five-year-old could measure ingredients for baking). The kitchen counter may be extra sticky as your child learns new skills. With time, your child will be more adept, and your counters will be cleaner.

Hunger and tiredness

We need both food and sleep to recharge our batteries. When we run low on either or both, it’s extra difficult to be our best selves. If you find that your child is crankier than usual, reflect on when your child last ate and how your child slept the night before (or napped if your child is of napping age). If it’s been a while since your child has eaten and/or your child did not sleep as much as usual, your child may need to recharge before being more receptive to requests. Have your child grab a healthy snack or meal if needed. If sleep is the issue, validate to yourself that this is frustrating that there is no quick fix. Acknowledge privately they are not their usual self at this moment and may be more receptive tomorrow.

Resistance also may crop up when children are coming down with a viral illness, so keep an eye out for any symptoms that may emerge.

Mental health challenges

Everyone has off days, but a persistent pattern of resistance to requests and distress following them may suggest that a child is experiencing mental health difficulties. For example, if a child appears oppositional every morning before school, it could be that they experience anxiety about going to school and are trying to avoid the distress they experience when there. In this case, it is important to ignore the "no" bait and focus on the emotion behind the refusal. Validate or acknowledge how your child is feeling to open the door to learn more. For example, you could say, "You seem really worried about going to school. What about school has been so tough lately?"

Use a similar approach for symptoms of depression, such as withdrawing from and refusing to engage in activities: validate your child’s feelings and invite your child to share more to help you understand their experiences. Discovering what is driving the resistance can allow you to develop a collaborative plan to support your child’s needs and get extra help if needed. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an evidence-based treatment for children experiencing anxiety and/or depression. Your pediatrician can be a helpful resource for mental health treatment referrals. The Anxiety & Depression Association of America also provides treatment resources.

Sometimes, oppositional behavior is pervasive. It can include a frequent loss of temper, irritability, difficulty following the rules, defiance of authority figures, spitefulness, and more. If these behaviors occur at home and also show up in other settings, such as at school, a child may be experiencing symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder. Parent training programs such as parent management training, along with problem-solving skills training, are evidence-based treatments, and pediatricians also may be able to provide relevant referrals.

Your patience understandably can wear thin if you find yourself facing repeated resistance. That experience, though, does not have to continue. You can help shift these patterns once you discover what is driving the "no."

Surging COVID-19 rates throughout the country and in many parts of the world make our efforts to protect ourselves and others more important than ever. Layers of protection offer the best defense against COVID-19, starting with vaccines and boosters for everyone eligible.

Vaccinated and boosted people are far better protected against severe disease, hospitalizations, and death. But everyone — even vaccinated people — may spread infection with a highly contagious variant like Omicron if they get it. In places where vaccination rates are low or COVID cases are rising, experts estimate we can save thousands of lives and help control the pandemic if we all commit to following mask guidelines and other standard preventive measures.

Why do we believe masks work?

An expanding body of evidence supports the benefits of medical and nonmedical masks. Some of the strongest evidence includes these reviews (here and here) and observational studies (here, here, here, and here), which found that mask-wearing leads to lower rates of infection. And this impressive graphic display from the New York Times shows how masks help trap larger respiratory droplets and some of the smaller particles known as aerosols.

Mask-wearing helps protect against illness from viruses that travel through the air — not just COVID-19, but also colds and flu. Some people worry that masks trap carbon dioxide (CO2) or limit the amount of oxygen you inhale, but that’s not true. As you breathe out in a mask, C02 escapes; as you breathe in, you receive oxygen.

No single study is perfect or definitive; in fact, such studies would be impossible to perform. But there is a lot going for mask-wearing, and little or no evidence that wearing a mask causes harm.

Which type of mask is best?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends wearing the most protective mask you can find.

Consistently wearing masks designed to filter out very small particles offers the best protection against highly contagious variants, such as Omicron. Examples include

• N95 masks approved by the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health (NIOSH)
• KN95 masks, which are certified in China and not approved by NIOSH, but have similar effectiveness as N95 masks.

Unfortunately, counterfeit N95 and KN95 masks have become common. The CDC offers useful information on ways to spot counterfeit masks.

Surgical masks are helpful, but less protective, partly because they do not fit snugly. Some experts suggest double-masking if you’re using surgical or cloth masks.

What about tightly woven cloth masks with a wire bridge and at least two layers of washable, breathable fabric that completely cover the nose and mouth? These masks can be comfortable but offer less protection than N95 and KN95 masks.

Gaiters and bandanas may offer little protection and aren’t generally the first choice, because they were not designed to provide tight facial coverage and may have only one layer. Masks with vents or valves are also discouraged, as virus particles can more easily escape through them.

Where are we still seeking answers?

Here are a few of the most common and important questions for which we don’t have great answers just yet.

• Does wearing a mask protect others, the wearer, or both? A mask helps keep the wearer from spreading airborne viruses while breathing, speaking, or coughing. Current evidence suggests that the person wearing a mask also reaps benefits, although the greatest benefit occurs when everyone wears a mask. In places where COVID-19 cases are substantial or high (see maps), wearing a mask in public indoors may help protect you and prevent spread to others. Remember, not all children are eligible for vaccines and boosters, and anyone whose immune system is compromised by illness or treatments needs to be protected from COVID-19.
• Do masks reduce the severity of infection? Because masks can reduce the "dose" of virus exposure, and because a lower amount of exposure might cause less severe infection, some have suggested that universal mask wearing might induce immunity with less lethal infections. This remains controversial and unproven, however, and should not be assumed to be true.
• Is it necessary to wear a mask outdoors? That depends on the situation. If you’re going for a walk outdoors and no one is around, wearing a mask is unnecessary. On the other hand, if you’re in close contact with people outdoors in a setting where keeping a distance isn't possible, wearing a mask is strongly encouraged. And of course, you should follow local health regulations and mandates.

Mask dos and don’ts

Masks work well only if worn consistently and correctly.

• A mask should fit snugly over your nose and mouth, with no gaps at the edges of the mask.
• The more comfortable a mask is, the more likely you are to wear it. Try a few styles to see which ones fit and feel best.
• Avoid the "exposed nose," the "chin diaper," the "dangling earring," and other creative approaches that keep the mask from fully covering your nose and mouth.
• When removing a mask, touch only the loops or ties that hold it on, and fold together the outside corners before disposing of it or washing it if it’s a fabric mask. Then wash your hands well.

The CDC offers advice for

• snugly wearing masks if you have a beard
• children or people with certain disabilities who may find it hard to wear a mask
• washing and storing reusable masks.

The bottom line

The best available evidence shows that mask-wearing can help reduce spread of COVID-19 infections, keep waves of serious illness from overburdening our hospitals, and save lives — possibly even yours.

If you have trouble losing weight despite your best efforts, this is because obesity is a complex disease with many causes. A family history of weight issues can make it more likely that you’ll have the same issues managing your weight. A diet high in ultra-processed foods, sugar, and fat and being sedentary also contribute to weight gain. Stress and struggles with mental health, including medications to treat certain mental health conditions, poor sleep, and hormonal changes, are all factors that further contribute to weight gain.

There are many ways to combat excess weight, but there is no single solution. If you are trying to lose or maintain your weight, you may want to try yoga. There is good research that yoga may help you manage stress, improve your mood, curb emotional eating, and create a community of support, all of which can help with weight loss and maintenance.

Yoga can also help you burn calories, as well as increase your muscle mass and tone. Yoga may reduce joint pain, which in turn allows you to exercise more and increase your daily activities. These are only some of the many benefits of yoga.

Yoga can help you manage stress that can impact weight gain

Yoga is derived from the Sanskrit word yuj, which means to unite the body, mind, and emotions. It is a holistic mind-body practice that improves many of the causes of weight gain.

Some people may experience stress as physical pain or sleep deprivation, or it may be psychological and cause feelings of anxiety and agitation. Stress leads to an increase in the hormone cortisol. Cortisol increases abdominal fat, decreases muscle mass, causes cravings for fat and sugar-rich food, and thus can lead to obesity.

Yoga can decrease stress and cortisol levels, enhance mood, decrease anxiety and depression, improve sleep, and improve chronic conditions such as hypertension and diabetes, reducing the need for medications that can cause weight gain.

Yoga is not a band-aid for excess weight, but it may work on the underlying causes. Its benefits extend beyond the calories-in-versus-calories-out equation.

Yoga can improve mindfulness related to eating behaviors

Most of us who crave ice cream after 9 pm or can’t stop eating potato chips know that these behaviors hurt our chances of losing weight. We all know that eating vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, etc. is good for our health and weight. While this knowledge is necessary, it seems insufficient to help us stick to our healthy eating plans.

One of yoga’s benefits is that it improves mindfulness of the body and awareness of body sensations. This is why yoga is called “moving meditation.” Research shows that you don’t have to do any formal sitting meditation to get the mindfulness benefits of yoga.

By improving mindfulness, yoga decreases emotional eating, stress eating, and binge eating. These habits sabotage our weight loss efforts and can cause a negative spiral of guilt and shame, which often leads to giving up.

A study published in 2015 showed that practicing yoga led to healthier eating, including lower fat intake and an increase in vegetables and whole grains.

The bottom line: the best diet plan is the one that you can stick with over the long term, and by improving mindfulness, yoga can help you make healthier food choices.

A yoga community can provide acceptance and support

Going to a gym can be intimidating, and may provoke feelings of not belonging for some people with larger bodies. By contrast, yoga culture embodies kindness, support, and self-acceptance.

Yoga teachers and advanced practitioners can serve as role models and inspire newer students to live a healthier lifestyle. Research shows that social networks influence behaviors that affect weight. The yoga network encourages positive health behaviors, and being a part of such a community can make a meaningful difference for weight loss. This type of community can be hard to find with other types of exercise.

Practitioners should look for a safe, comfortable environment. A welcoming yoga group may help you improve your self-esteem and confidence. Find a local studio that feels nurturing and not overwhelming, with other practitioners at your level. Teachers can help beginners or those with physical limitations by modifying poses. You might have to try a few different classes before you find an instructor or a class that you like. Don’t give up after the first one!

If you can’t find a local studio, there are always online options on YouTube and Instagram, with classes at all levels. There are instructors who understand what it is like to be a larger size, and having an inclusive, body-affirming attitude shows that yoga is not just for “skinny people.” Some share inspirational stories of how yoga helped them overcome their own weight struggles, depression, and binge eating. If you are a beginner, consider signing up for a short challenge to get committed to the practice.

The benefits of yoga are universal — no matter what your shape or size. It can take weeks or months to establish a yoga practice, and frequent practice is key for long-lasting benefits.

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Have family or friends in assisted living facilities? Finding the right gift can be complicated. Health issues may rule out some gifts: cross off sweets or chocolates for those who need to keep blood sugar under control. There isn’t much space for extra belongings in the apartment or room. In some cases, your giftee’s physical or mental capabilities (or both) are declining.

"Any gift you give will probably be appreciated," says Dr. Suzanne Salamon, associate chief of gerontology at Harvard-affiliated Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center. "But it helps if it’s something the person can really use and will enjoy. Tailor it to their particular ailments, needs, and interests." Below is a roundup that can help you select a great gift for the holidays — or any other occasion.

Gifts for social engagement

"Many people feel lonely and isolated in assisted living facilities. Keeping loved ones socially connected combats that, and also helps ward off chronic disease and cognitive decline," Salamon notes. Gifts that may fit the bill include:

• A simple phone. The easier a phone is to operate, the more likely your loved one will be able to use it. That could be a landline phone with large, easy-to-read numbers ($25 and up), a flip phone ($35 and up), or a smartphone with few buttons and apps ($50 and up). Remember that cell phones come with monthly service costs; prices depend on the carrier.
• A smart speaker. If phone use is too hard for your loved one, consider a smart speaker ($20 and up) that can be programmed to dial important numbers (like yours). Commands can be said aloud at any time to make a call. Check if your loved has internet service, which is needed for smart speaker use.
• A photo book. A loose-leaf photo album (less than $20) or easily created photo book ($10 and more) with recent photos of family and friends may be a warm reminder of connections, or can be a gift to share with others in the assisted living facility. That social interaction is important for health. Plus, it will make the person feel good to see all of those photos of people who love them.

Gifts to aid independence

Health problems can make simple activities challenging. These gifts can give your loved one a little independence.

• Adaptive tools. Your loved one may be able to take back some control of dressing with a long-handled shoehorn, a button hook, or a zipper pull (less than $10 each).
• A magnifying glass. Especially handy for those with impaired vision (and who hasn’t misplaced reading glasses?), having a magnifying glass ($5 and up) is handy for reading or seeing small objects. For a nice upgrade, make it a lighted magnifying glass ($15).
• Handwriting aids. Hand arthritis or neurodegenerative conditions (such as Parkinson’s disease) make writing difficult. Ergonomically-shaped adaptive pens ($10 and up) can help your loved one jot down information or thoughts.

Gifts for sharper thinking skills

"Challenging your brain or learning new information promotes new brain cell connections, which help protect and maintain cognition," Dr. Salamon says. Give your loved one something that will make the process easy and fun, such as the following:

• A daily trivia calendar. (About $15)
• Large-print nonfiction or fiction books. ($5 and up). Audio selections are enjoyable, too.
• Large-print books of brain games and puzzles. ($5 and up)
• A print subscription to a health publication, such as the Harvard Health Letter ($24).

Gifts to ease health issues

A well-chosen gift can bring comfort and help ease health issues. Try addressing someone’s aches and pains with gifts such as:

• A microwavable heat wrap ($15 and up).
• A handheld massager ($5 and up).

Or you could address circulatory problems that make people feel cold or increase the risk for blood clots in the legs. Ideas include:

• A soft fleece blanket ($10 and up).
• Warm slippers with slip-resistant soles ($20 and up).
• Brightly patterned compression stockings with fun designs ($15 and up). Be sure to check the size so they aren’t too small for your loved one.

Gifts to track health

Even though assisted living facility staffers monitor residents’ health, your loved one may find it useful to have one of the following gifts:

• A blood pressure monitor ($30 and up). Look for one with a cuff that goes around the upper arm; inflates automatically; has a lighted background with large numbers; and is certified by the Association for the Advancement of Medical Instrumentation, the British Hypertension Society, or the European Society of Hypertension.
• A digital "stick" thermometer ($10 and up). The right one will be large and easy to hold, with a lighted background and large numbers.

Not quite right?

Keep thinking. A nice, warm fleece sweater ($20 and up)? Extra reading glasses to place in favorite nooks ($15 and up)? If none of these ideas is right, consider giving a healthy treat. A great choice right now is fresh citrus (send a box for $30 and up). "Avoid grapefruit, which can interfere with certain medications," Dr. Salamon advises, "but oranges or tangerines are sweet and rich in vitamin C, which supports a healthy immune system. And that’s a great gift."